SEGA manifesto

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*kearsCH*hello-hello, earth to space cadet. come in space cadet!*kearsCH* . . . *kearsCH*what’s that? you broke your big-rimmed, 1,000 millimeter thick glasses and are stuck up in the void?*kearsCH* . . . *kearsCH*what!!? I don’t care if that is equal to one meter! what an anane, stupid, stupid thing to say when we are trying to deal with such wonders! how about I come up there and break them myself you boring schmuck! or better yet, I will leave you up there without sight in the void, those of us back down to earth will appreciate the stars without the sentimental flagellations about anecdotes from your childhood you constantly fill us with, you half-witted nostalgia harlot!!*kearsCH*!!!!!!!
And thus it is in this fashion that we leave you behind to save our minds from the overpowering sickness you produce. You: the nintendo undead, afraid of aging and of your inevitable death. Us: the alive and generative men for SEGA, who let go of mortality and sprint towards death gladly. Yes! We throw our lives into the BLAST-PROCESSOR = hydraulic-compressor trash-compactor meat-grinder.
An overblown analysis, yes, but ah! -this is your sin not ours! For you are the ones flooding forums, comment sections, not to mention video and streaming services with unending, neutering analysis.
Yours serves this purpose: to look back and laugh, to fill your middle-aged body with intellectual candy and soda-pop, to chain the world perpetually to the nap-time of your childhood (the 80s, the 90s), to assert yourselves against cardboard cut-outs of us (SEGA fans: the grouping of people from which your middle school bullies formerly came) by screaming into the void you inhabit and receiving back tucks-in-bed from your fellow mummies. You thought the fight was over? That you had won? You simply locked yourself in your room and declared yourself the winner! But now we bust down the door. Big brother wins again, weenie!
What we mean by our own previous overblown analysis is this: that the men of SEGA are men who are men and are nothing less. We do not pile up retrospectives because we are focused on our present lives. We appreciate and talk about the past, naturally, and of course there are some more fervent historians among us too, but the veracity with which you clap your hands and jump in the air over the countless whole-hour long videos about retro gaming which you produce we tiredly reject with an agitated, athletic back hand. Yes, it is our athleticism that creates the chasm of character between us and leads to our disgust with you -or at least it is our understanding and appreciation of athleticism. Men of SEGA are well-rounded, socially adjusted individuals. You can find us at times in gyms, out in the garden, or on a simple hike. We have flat disdain for those types who, with unkempt beards or with oily foreheads, devote doubly their time to the very subject of gaming with which we identify. It being for us not “our thingâ€￾ but merely a thing that we integrate into our lives, allowing as any appreciation for art does a sharper discernment in whatever we come into contact with in our day-to-day. We are fine with letting go of things with age. We are men of SEGA but we are no longer childishly obsessed with those times which we remember fondly; they do not define us. But as you build up your mountainous collections about you, creating for yourselves proverbial pillow forts from which to hide from life behind, we come charging in with football helmets and hockey pads to destroy your babyish creation, us adults being finally tired of your incessant noise.
And how your fighting makes us laugh! You wait to take turns, you put on some classical music, and you can only handle two or three adversaries at a time. We make easy work of you. Eight or nine at a time without slowing down. And swiftly, the afterburner is engaged-|||MAXIMUM||||POWER|||
And now keeping to our ever fervent devotion to speed, we will briefly list our points:

[LIST=1]
[*]Blast processing is real and the crown of SEGA’s superiority. Would-be fast paced nintendo games experience slow down that is inexcusable.

[*]An abundance of action games is better than an abundance of RPGs and methodical games. The proliferation of hardcore and overly complex games has created a generation of “bug-menâ€￾ while the concise and robust mechanics experienced in games with one hour play sessions provide a healthy maximum to leisure time and also foster sharper discernment in its player base. Content heavy games are only a positive in moderation.

[*]Sports games are awesome and particularly SEGA ones. That they are even separated out is merely categorical. They can be judged by their unique mechanics and executions of gameplay just as any other game. That they are taken from games in the real world is wholly irrelevant. For us there is no reason to separate reality and fantasy in gaming as the purpose of the medium is to transcend those separations. nintendo fans going out of their way to dislike sports games reaffirms their lack of character to us. We have admiration for the incredible acrobatics of the basketball court just as we have admiration for the incredible acrobatics of the platforming game.

[*]SEGA’s embrace of synthesizer limitations makes its music superior. nintendo seeks mainly to imitate already existing timbres, i.e. mainly tries to mimic orchestras in its more renowned sound tracks. This results in degrading onomatopoeia. The music found in SEGA games usually embraces the electronic genre generally and the specific synth capabilities themselves particularly. This results in music that is iconic and timeless. While nintendo’s music now sounds outdated, SEGA music remains its own animal. Put it this way: classic nintendo tracks are constantly being re-composed with better hardware and with live instruments to finally achieve their “true soundâ€￾ but SEGA tracks are seen as already complete because they were made with the synthesizer in mind.

[*]Having the console that is two years older matters. It’s laughable to boast about hardware superiority when the consoles aren’t even truly competitors. SEGA was ahead of its time. It was the “genesisâ€￾ of a whole generation of gaming and nintendo only followed in its footsteps. Perhaps any argument between SEGA and nintendo fans should have a two year period of unanswered shots dealt from the SEGA side.

[/LIST]
Our case being made, I encourage my fellow men of SEGA to spread these points and this manifesto wherever the nintendo children raise their screeching voices. It is my hope that we may thus finally bully them back into submission as we always have before.

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